If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
