We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
