He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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