remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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