Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
