shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
