can we get nightvision for the apartment?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
