I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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