fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
