how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
