tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
