Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
