yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
