Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
