We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
