So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
