5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
