You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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