would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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