I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Are we still banned from the library?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
