I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
