bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Say something about gay babies.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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