she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
