I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
