Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
