walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
