In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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