I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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