hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
