The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
