we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
