I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
