I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
