I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
