Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
