I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
