I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
