still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
