I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Are we still banned from the library?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
