he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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