Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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