im holly from the hills drunk
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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