He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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