Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
