I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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