If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
