and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
