I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
