I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
