my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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