Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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