The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
